Healing
As explained in the last video blog post last month on healing, it is very important to make sure that when you are entering a serious relationship that you are healed from past hurts that could potentially sabotage or even ruin a relationship. I often find that when people end a relationship they feel the need to enter another one in hopes that it will help them get over the one that they ended, which in fact it does not. The negative experience and behaviors carry over into the new relationships. Often we tend to also pick the same kind of person when entering new relationships. I always recommend that before starting a new relationship to take time to get to know yourself, make sure you are completely healed from any past hurts that could have gone on in that relationship or any past. You don’t need to have a new relationship to find out what your dislikes are and what you enjoy. You and find that out on your own a lone. Loneliness is another factor of the reason why many people go into new relationships and it is mainly because they do not know how to spend time alone with themselves or they miss the company that a relationship brings.
To further explain what I mean I will be referring to the book “Before and After: Biblical Principles for a Successful Marriage”. In Chapter 1 it mentions that painful experiences can often taint relationships based on hardships such as:
Loss of a loved one
Divorce
The breakup of a long-term relationship
Sexual abuse
Dealing with your own or someone else’s addiction to drugs and alcohol.
It is a good thing to get a mentor or a counselor to help you sort out past hurts that could potentially ruin relationships with not only your spouse if you are married, but also friendships, relationships with siblings or if you are dating, your potential wife/husband. Having a personal relationship with God is also important as the Holy Spirit will reveal to you what is holding you back from receiving healing from past hurts or strongholds. I really like this passage of scripture in Galatians 5:1 (MSG); “Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you”. That is so powerful, with Christ you can live a free life, free from hurt, guilt and shame!
So, in closing, take time out to discover yourself. You don’t need to find yourself in another person. Find yourself in God and in God you will find the person you were meant to marry. Heal from past hurts. If you are not healed from that, pray and seek God first, seek a mentor, counselor, Pastor or even an accountability partner that will steer you in the right direction toward your healing.
***It is never good to hold on to old wounds and make excuses for why you do what you do. Excuses only get us but so far. Healing is the best option.
